I'm tired....

of half-hours or even hours long monologues on the phone...
of being told what I'm doing is never enough...
of having the impression of being guilt-tripped, as the only way I supposedly understand things...
of trying sometimes to talk my mind, but always ending up shutting up and covering my frustration of never actually being listened...
of being the psychologist of those two...
of being stuck in the middle...
of always being careful of what I say or do...
of never being to throw a fit when I'm about to explode 'cause I can't break down and disturb what little equilibrium there is...
of still empathising, even when I barely have any mental and emotional strenght left...
of being so damn prideful and unable to shake off completely the spoilt kid habits I know I have...
of being reminded how much I hurt...
of being reminded of how much I lost...
of being reminded that I'm now the central pillar of the family...
of being called cold...
of crying...
of hurting...

........of everything seriously.

no wonder I had a panic attack when I was sick at school...and ending up crying at home 'cause I felt so damn alone even when everyone was there technically...